duamuteffe (duamuteffe) wrote,
duamuteffe
duamuteffe

It's Angrying Up My Blood - Crimson Death Chapter Sixty-Two

Anita is finally looking at evidence. She and Podward pin crime scene markers onto a map. Anita is grumpy because- well, because she's Anita and she's always pissed off about something (how many ulcers does she have, I wonder?) but also because she assumes the cops already did this and won't let her see it.

"“They want to see if you find a pattern they’ve missed,” Edward said. “If they give you their map, then you’ll be looking at what they think is important.”
I gave him the look that deserved. “We’re wasting time duplicating effort.”
“No, truly, Marshal Blake, we want your opinion without our bias.”
I’d let it go, but I didn’t buy it. I was pretty sure they just didn’t want me to see all their evidence, just in case I turned out to be an evil necromancer after all.""


See, in a better book this would be used to show how out of the loop Anita is on how consultants work. It makes perfect sense that the police would like her to see everything from the beginning and work through it herself, since her supposed expertise is why she's here in the first place. But in the hands of the current author it's just one more thing to 'prove' that everyone but her boytoys is out to get Poor Widdle Anita. She's such a weenie.



Anita does become almost reasonable when talking about the evidence. I sense the heavy hand of an editor on the reins here.

"I couldn’t afford to look away, because there was something wrong with the scene. Something just didn’t ring true for a vampire-related crime scene.
I spread the pictures out on my part of the table and forced myself to try to make sense of them. I’d really started to want to listen to my brain when it said, Don’t look. We don’t need another nightmare in here, but I knew that if I flinched I might miss something, and part of me would always believe that something I missed would be the clue that would solve the case. Solving the case meant saving lives, so I looked down at the pictures."


Finally, a believable reaction to something. Sixty-two chapters in, but at this point I'll take what I can get.

She can't match body parts to torsos (from pictures? Pictures of torn up bodies covered in the remains of bloody dismemberment? Why would she think she could? Is she a medical examiner now?) so she asks about it. Enter the Cop-What-Hates-Anita. Every book has one, and they're basically all the same person these days. I don't need to explain who he is or what he does; you all know the drill, so just assume the Cop-What-Hates-Anita is being rude a lot. This time around his name is Luke Logan, so someone must have been watching some Marvel movies while hashing this thing together.

Anita makes some very basic comments about the bodies. Vampires don't tear limbs apart because it's a waste of time and blood. Shapeshifters have the strength to do so. It could be a human trying to disguise the murders as preternatural ones. She asks about tool marks, and when they say they found none, she decides it's not a human. I'm sure they figured that out already, so why Anita is here at all is still up for debate.

"“But we should have still found a nude human passed out near the crime scene, and we didn’t.”
“I told them that not all lycanthropes have to fall into a comalike sleep after they switch back to human form, but they didn’t want to believe me,” Edward said.
“Why not? You’re right,” I said."

More to the point, why wouldn't they? Unless we're trying to pretend that Ireland has no contact whatsoever with the outside world, the police would already know this. There's some waffle about books and interviews but that's complete bullshit; someone's government would have done some very unpleasant experiments and found out literally everything about how shapeshifting worked and then the info would end up in the wild. You can't re-Masquerade your world once you decided it was un-Masquerade!

"“Yes, but a shapeshifter can literally change not just their clothes but their skin, so that the beast form could be covered in blood, but once they shift to human form again they’re blood free and clean.”"

Wait, what? Since fuckin' where? What about all the goop? Is it a solvent? If so, why do they need special drains in the showers for it? Has this ever been mentioned before?

We waste some time with the Cop-What-Hates-Anita doing his thing. His thing that gets done in every. Single. Book. And Anita does the thing she does in every. Single. Book. And decides to poke him until he explodes. I have no idea how even the Troos don't complain about this; it is the same scene every damned time. And it goes on for pages. Eventually he leaves before he takes a swing at her and it turns out he's mad because Sheridan dated him briefly and then ended the relationship and he's pissed about her making eyes at Podward. In a normal book that would place his ire at Podward only but since everything in these books has to rotate around Anita as though she were the center of the solar system, we get him as the Cop-What-Hates-Anita instead. Also Sheridan effectively says she'd date anyone Anita didn't want, which means that in order to be a sympathetic character in the Anitaverse you have to be 1) lonely and 2) interested in Anita's sloppy seconds but unable to get them because you're not Anita. How sad is that?

They decide to have food brought in for Anita and the four (four!) bodyguards outside in the hallway. Podward is condescending to Anita, since he's the only character who can do that any more.

"He laughed again and patted my shoulder. “You just keep thinking there, Butch. That’s what you’re good at.”
I rolled my eyes at him and wished I could remember a movie-line comeback, but nothing sprang to mind."


To paraphrase Joel Robinson, don't quote something good in your crappy book. Not if you don't want the reader to be reminded that they could be watching something infinitely better instead.

Tl/dr - Anita looks at some photos and is almost a real character for a minute. Then the Cop-What-Hates-Anita enters and we're back in Repetition Alley.
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